Curiosity, Balance and Kokoro
How to work with ancient secrets, little nudges, and monumental changes. And how I found support in a special book.
"To have a beginner's mind is to be willing to be reborn over and over, eyes open and curious about the world. Every moment, every day, every new project, and every new opportunity, invites us to approach it with a beginner's mind, in the knowledge that we stand upon everything that has gone before. All of our experience, resources, connections, lessons learned from mistakes made, and all the rest of it. Nothing is wasted. Everything leads somewhere, even if we don't yet know where." - Beth Kempton
Supporting others isn’t easy. But it’s necessary. Even though it doesn't always work out the way you'd like it to.
You try your best, but you're one step removed from the action, trying to navigate the needs of someone who may not know how to achieve those needs, nor what their needs are in the first place.
I spent a week in that delicate place of supporting a loved one, and celebrating the positive progress, despite the challenges for that loved one in seeing how any of it constituted progress. Or positivity, for that matter.
The work was worth it. I'm thankful to have the patience and love to give. My curiosity helps too.
Many times as I offered my support in various ways, there was a certain push and pull. Think back to a time when you felt stuck and you were struggling with something that seemed to be working against you. An opposing force getting in your way.
I consider Yin and Yang in these times. But not as if they are separate forces at extreme ends to each other.
Yin and Yang aren't actually pulling apart, never ready to meet. The Yin-Yang symbol shows a bit of Yin within Yang and vice versa. They need each other, joining together rather than staying apart, creating a flowing shape. There is a deliberate need for both to exist together.
Understanding the balance of Yin and Yang is important, as well as how they interact. For instance, too much of one is a problem, but that doesn't mean balance is about getting exactly the same amount of both.
You sometimes need more energy in one direction, but there's always an understanding that these needs work within a flow towards equilibrium. Hence why the two forces are complementing each other.
Support works in this way. Too much support can be just as big a problem as not enough support. Refusing support when it's sorely needed is a friction point that gets in the way of equilibrium.
The way I've supported is a dynamic we can't always understand, but showcases the Yin and Yang principles. Sometimes my subtle nudge (Yin) brought on someone's frenzied activity (Yang). Other times, my rallying cries of support (Yang) could gently push someone from overwhelm or procrastination (deficient yin or yang) toward a balanced state to help them take their crucial first step. Our energies interact with a complexity where the yin and yang work together to find their equilibrium.
I found myself thinking about all this as I read
’s beautiful and searching new book, “Kokoro”.Kempton takes a journey (both literally and figuratively, physically and mentally) through the smallest wonder, the deepest grief, the largest hurdles, the biggest questions, the quietest moments, and the most amazing experiences.
As I finished the book, I made a summary note: "Of moths, mothers, mountains, meals, and more."
The poetic order was deliberate. Moths and meals on the outside, at either end. Less important, despite performing the first and last specifics. The moth representing a special, miraculous experience, and yet 'just' a moth. [Not just a moth!] The meals representing the everyday, almost ordinary. Yet also necessary and supportive; often a meditation that can easily go missed.
Mother and mountain hold a special place, grounded and centred, whilst also providing support for those unseen things, those ordinary things, the everything. And they, themselves, supported by those other things, the nothing.
All supporting all. All as one. Everything together, including nothing, making one and zero the same thing.
A little bit of yin in yang and vice versa.
And all forming a circle, as the journey is ongoing.
It's a big part of why I chose Ongoing as the name for this. And why the logo is circular, representing multiple pathways, as well as showing both the ground and the air, as well as being two separate halves that are also very much together.
Within all this is my take on curiosity, best viewed through a lens of past, present, and future. Considering so many things in an interested way while researching what has gone before, being grounded in the current moment, and stepping confidently toward a future within our constant state of now.
This should all feel exhausting, shouldn't it? Yet I've always felt a joy from it. I feel excited and, indeed, curious.
In true yin-yang style, there are moments of feeling exhausted, and times when I'm scared and uninterested. But it's the balance that makes those moments fleeting. And, all the while, I don't take any of those for granted. That balance can be upset, or thrown into unexpected places of turmoil and suffering.
I do trust that the balance can return, though I never assume it with some greedy expectation.
All these feelings are our own, since we can only ever know our own minds. Yet those feelings change when things happen both internally, through our thoughts, and externally, through events experienced outside.
As for the feelings themselves?
says this: "A feeling is not something we can teach someone else. It is something that bubbles up from somewhere deep within."That is why, no matter how much we wish to support others, we cannot simply fix things and make everything better. Our best efforts may or may not work. When they do, it's not our doing, though we played our part. When they don't, it's not our fault, and we tried our best.
There were times in the past when I didn't know to tell myself this. Either high on my own supply when some sort of intervention worked out, or desperately trying more and more before drowning in confusion when no type of support seemed to help.
I'm quick to ask for support and to accept support when it's offered. But I don't always know when I need support for something. None of us have it all sussed out. If we always knew when we needed support, we'd probably never need support.
Round and round we go, trying to work ourselves out, trying to work others out, and trying to make sense of everything. And nothing.
Beth Kempton's "Kokoro" has been a fantastic literary friend over the past week of reading it. Necessary at this exact point in time for me. That's a wonderful serendipity and also no fluke at all when you consider all that has come before it. I needed support of my own and I didn't know I needed it. Even a couple of chapters in, I didn't know. There was a certain push and pull.
Bit by bit, the balance was found and the yin-yang combination was in effortless flow. There was no start to the process, there is no end. The journey is ongoing. And in all these moments, in every breath, we have a moment to experience that oneness.
Ebbs and flows, ebbs and flows. Life gets busy and stressful at times. Special moments may not always be at the forefront of your mind. Even the simple passing of time over days, years, decades...can lead to a forgetfulness.
I've always wanted to remember as much as possible, sometimes by noting down or through active and dedicated remembering. Despite all this, forgetting will still occur. Yet reminders jump out too. Seemingly unrelated encounters with others, and conversations about shared experienced help me to re-remember what I had forgotten.
In those rememberings, I also find new links and lessons, ideas and connections. It's worth forgetting in order to re-remember just as much as it's good to learn and discover things in the first place.
Kempton talks about a space in between - a gap or an unsaid moment where something is known but not told - where this space contains many rememberings, forgettings, and re-rememberings.
The more we stay in touch with our memories and respect the ebb and flow of forgettings, the better we can return to them and grow from them. By doing so, we can also connect with other people's memories and experiences.
It's through this space in between that we can never touch, yet try to bring our awareness to, in which we can feel that strength of support for one another. We notice more about ourselves and more about those around us, and that collective experience allows what is within each of us to find a balance that shows how yin and yang are both necessary and both striving to work in whatever equilibrium that's needed in every moment.
To clarify a few key points you can consider in your own journey, seeking balance:
Stay curious - Use the beginner's mind with an openness, even in those areas you have great knowledge and skill in. You may find growth in novel places, and better understand the world and yourself.
Find harmony through challenge, and challenges through harmony - See your experience as Yin and Yang at work. These forces are opposing yet complementary, needing to find suitable balance together to achieve the greatest harmony.
Reflect and adapt - Consider your past whilst living in the moment, ready for the future. The only moment you truly live is the present. When you're grounded within this present, the past and future can be considered more freely, allowing you to reflect through all these lenses of time, adapting as necessary.
Remember what you forget - Memories play a big role in shaping how we live and interact. There is a beautiful art — and in-between space — where you can remember, forget, and re-remember. These playful moments of awareness at different levels can lead to great depth of insight and many new connections.
Give support, seek support, and accept support - Help from others is okay. And, on the flipside, our ability to help others is often greater than we believe. Support and be supported.
The other thing I'd heartily recommend is for you to read Beth Kempton's “Kokoro” in full. The book served as a meditation for me, and as a support, coming at just the right time for my needs. The Yin and Yang kept doing their job, and I felt present and balanced and harmonious. Had I faced my challenges less grounded, I might have resisted the very elements trying to keep me safe.
We all need support, even at times when we don't realise we need it.
What resonated with you? Where do you provide key support and where do you most value it yourself? How do you find balance and harmony? Show your support by giving a heart and leaving a comment. 🤗
I loved reading this and seeing how Kokoro has already been woven into your thinking. Thank you for sharing it.